Happy Ending 3/3 – The Wedding
I would have never believed that when I welcomed 2013 in the misty miserableness of gloom galore, I would be standing where I am right now. My hands are sweating, I can barely breathe. I keep looking at my mum; she is tearing up and is trying her best to compose herself. She is the one who walked me down the aisle. She is the one who carried me through life, the one that made me who I am, the one who always believed in me, advised me and loved me unconditionally. Looking at her, in the hat I bought her for the occasion, though I’m not sure she’s ever worn one before, I am grateful for everything she’s ever done for me, I’m overwhelmed by the long road we’ve both been on. She accepted him with open arms, like a son. I caught a glimpse of them sharing a private joke in the kitchen the other day (at my expense, no doubt). Seeing them laugh together, seeing them already so close, I let the tears get the best of me. I don’t think I had ever cried tears of joy before.
I’m wearing a black tuxedo and a bow tie (because bow ties are cool); I wanted to be the first one to walk down the aisle so that I could look at him come to me, the way I had always waited for him to realise I was the One. The wait is over. The moment is here. The moment is now…
The band starts playing All By Myself - his idea! His twisted sense of humour is one of the things I love most about him. The crowd turns to look at the door. This is it.
I take a deep breath, try to pull myself together. My best friend holds my hand and squeezes it. The doors creak. The band softens the tunes just a little. I feel as though they have my heart on their strings…
I close my eyes and foresee the worst: the door opening and revealing his best-man shaking his head; the entire assistance gasping; silence falling like a shadow and darkening my soul; my legs abandoning me, leaving me breathless on the floor, shaking my head like a madman, refusing to accept the truth; my mum coming to comfort me and me pushing her away; my best-man running to get some answers to try to salvage the situation… a drama in multicolour… but he is there.
He is here.
He is smiling back at me and he looks amazing. He looks like Prince Charming coming to rescue me. A prince that took his bloody time to get there but that is there nonetheless. When he reaches me, I’m the happiest man on Earth.
When I open my eyes, I’m lying in bed; I’m surrounded by friends and family. What the fuck am I doing here? Where is he?
Pale, his face drained of all colours, my best friend tells me he’s run away; that they can’t find him anywhere; that they don’t know what happened. I don’t understand. He was there, he was beside me! He was smiling at me! I couldn’t have imagined it! I couldn’t have!
My never-to-be future mother-in-law is so apologetic it breaks my heart. She doesn’t understand either. She doesn’t know where he has run to. She takes my hands in her but I push her away.
I reach for my cigarettes. I light up in the hope that the smoke will fill the void. He is gone.
He is gone and I’m broken…
To Be Concluded…
